Under His Wings
June, 2020
Everything was ready for the Cove event in March. Four of the ladies put together their presentations for the evening. Some of you were among the 280 expected guests………….and then came Covid 19 abruptly halting everything. This newsletter will feature material written by Melissa, one of these ladies with whom we have had the honor of walking for 2 ½ years.
We had a flock of sheep when we lived on New Direction Farm. One of those, Esther, wandered away from the fold unbeknown to us. (We weren’t the most attentive of shepherds at that time). One of the girls and I were hiking up to the ridge one afternoon when we heard a faint “baa…….baa……baa” coming from a wooded area. Following the cry we found Esther entangled and trapped in barbed wire. Don’t know quite how we did it but we managed to disentangle her. She hobbled back to the barn with us where others tended to her wounds. Before long she was as good as new.
Scripture speaks of us as being sheep, the Lord the Good Shepherd. “My sheep hear my voice and I know them and they follow me; and I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.” John 10:27-28
There are many voices competing against the voice of the Shepherd. Melissa was much like Esther, her entanglement being lies she believed about God and His love for her. The deeply engrained, loud voice of shame would oftentimes trump the truth of what is written in scripture.
Dallas Willard teaches there are three levels of faith: proprietary, desperate, and all sufficient. It is when we reach that deep level of desperate faith and cry out, we begin to break free of walking independently. After a time it is the most blessed who trust and live according to the belief that because the Lord is their Shepherd, they have all that they need. They have reached the state of wellness of soul which comes from an all sufficient faith in the All Sufficient Lord.
When Jesus called Lazarus out of the tomb and into life He specifically instructed those around to remove Lazarus’ grave clothes. We are incapable of doing so independently. This is a beautiful picture of the work of the body of Christ and describes the deeper work that occurs as we walk with the women of the Mustard Seed. We live out of what we believe. There is nothing more disabling than living out of beliefs that are not aligned with what is spoken by the Living God. It is through relationship we are wounded………..and through relationship with Jesus Christ and His orchestration of those to walk alongside………..that we become healed. It is a process. We are honored to be a part of such a process as we see captives set free.
The theme of our cancelled event was Tapestry and how the Lord weaves beauty out of ashes and victory out of supposed defeat. These words from Psalm 91 were woven throughout the evening’s script:
“Surely He will save you from the fowler’s snare……He will cover you with His feathers…..and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of the night nor the arrow that flies by day…..I will rescue him; I will protect him for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver and honor him.”
Following are the words penned by Melissa. Be blessed as you read. The Hand weaving a beautiful tapestry is evident.
Trauma, Snare: I was saved at the age of 23 but it wasn’t long before I started to fall back into old patterns. Deep down I was still that broken little girl that had been abused and abandoned as a small child. As I got older, I realized that I needed healing and only Jesus could give me that healing, but it would take years. I pretended for a long time that everything was okay. I played the church game but essentially would keep falling away to drinking, drugging and with that inevitably came the bad men. I would get hurt and go running back to church, get clean for a little while and think I’m okay now. I was a youth leader. I even went to Africa on a mission trip but deep down the brokenness was always there. The pain, the shame of I’m never going to be good enough! I cried out to God on several occasions, fell on my face before him but nothing changed. It didn’t change because I wouldn’t give up control. As a small child I had learned that if I didn’t take care of myself no one else would and that lead to a fiercely independent woman who really, at the end of the day didn’t trust God or anyone else for that matter.
The perfect storm: At 42 years old, my daughter had left for college. My partying had really escalated at this point because I didn’t have my daughter there to be responsible for. I was lonely and I sought connection with the party crowd. I got involved with a man. For 2 years we were on and off again. At the end of December 2014, I was laid off from my job of 9 years (a job that allowed me to live a pretty comfortable lifestyle but also funded my pain medication addiction). I had a retirement fund that I lived off for a while, but it wasn’t long till that was gone. 6 months later I found out that I was pregnant. Terror can’t even begin to describe how scared I was. I knew my son’s father wasn’t going to be much help. I still had enough faith to know that the Lord had sent me this precious child to save me and I knew He had an incredible purpose for this little life growing inside of me. I stopped going out and partying and began to wean myself off the pills. To stop cold turkey could have caused me to miscarry.
Rescue: Before long God began to show up in a way I could have never predicted. I found a job working part time near my house. It was a little money but not enough to pay the bills. I was still trying to maintain a relationship with my baby’s father. People started to give me things for the baby and I didn’t have to buy anything for the first year. My family helped me as much as they could help but eventually my house was about to go into foreclosure and my car was about to be repossessed and I was working a part time job. It was the 11th hour, all my resources had run out and there was no one else to borrow from. It was an impossible situation. One Sunday I went to church with a close friend. There was a flyer on the table that said Mustard Seed Project, Help for single moms. My friend said maybe you should call and see if they can help you. The next day at work I called the number. Sometimes the little moments that seem so insignificant are the vehicle that will thrust you into the purpose of God. I knew that if I didn’t do something, there was no way I could provide for me and my son on what I was making. That afternoon Dave called me back and I made an appointment and met with Dave and Bridget a few days later. I figured it would probably be a one-time help like most other places I had been to for help. After meeting with them I realized that this ministry was what I had been praying for. Mustard Seed was exactly what I had needed for years. I was struggling emotionally and physically. I was so broken from all that I had been through in my life. I had a deep sense of shame and feeling of not being good enough that kept driving me back to bad relationships and alcohol and pills and in time I would have been right back there. Finally, some relief, some help. A complete care ministry. They counsel and guide gently. I didn’t have to become perfect overnight. They walked with me and didn’t leave me as I struggled to lay down one thing at a time that had imprisoned me for years. This ministry is a picture of the amazing love, acceptance and grace that Jesus lavished on us. Anyone who knew me will tell you that I’m not the same person I was 2 years ago. My countenance has changed. I trust the Lord in a way that I never did before and it’s all because of Mustard Seed and what they do for the Lord. God never meant for us to bear our burdens alone. For so long I tried to carry it all on my shoulders because that’s how I was raised. God is teaching me that I can trust him as slowly I learn to lay it all down at Jesus’ feet.
I hope one day that I can help other women and give back to a ministry that has meant so much to me and my son. I don’t know what God has in store for the future, but I know that his purpose for my life and my son’s is good.
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Grave clothes are smelly. We have to allow others to get pretty close in order for them to be a part of the process of our release. Unresolved issues of trauma and loss from our childhoods are paid for exponentially up ahead in life. Fear becomes a driving force and shame a binding. For quite some time Melissa felt we were going to decide we would no longer walk with her. When she began verbalizing this, we were able to reassure her of our commitment to walk with her until she reached the other side. Consistency in grace and empathy in relationship become the antidote for shame.
As we have walked with Melissa we have witnessed tangible evidence of the Lord’s restorative hand in most every area even with a job. It is almost unheard of to be paid $23 an hour in Asheville. Of course all of this has changed over these past three months due to Covid 19. In the past she would have been fretting regarding fear of having no job once her unemployment runs out. But now, if she finds that beginning to rise she reminds herself that God is in control and has not forsaken her.
Thank you for your investment in the lives of mothers and children. We have the joy of knowing these women at a very broken, desperate point in their lives and watching the beauty of incremental restoration.
Be Blessed
All of us at Mustard Seed
“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord; “plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29: 11-13
New Direction Mustard Seed PO Box 18745 Asheville, NC 28814 828-206-0495